Instead of making resolutions this year, I’m going to accept Suleika Jaouad’s invitation to reflect on the past year through a five-part series of lists. This activity prompts us to journal about five questions, in whatever format works for you:
- What in the last year are you proud of?
- What did this year leave you yearning for?
- What’s causing you anxiety?
- What resources, skills, and practices can you rely on in the coming year?
- What are your wildest, most harebrained ideas and dreams?
Jaouad is the creator of the isolation journals, an artist-led community that cultivates creativity and fosters connection in challenging times, as stated on her about page. You can view this prompt and others by clicking here.
Here’s my response.
What in the last year am I proud of?
I have more things to be proud of from this last year than from previous years, starting with the decision to stand up for myself and take control of my own life. I quit my job in March. It was a difficult decision and hard to walk away because of the nature of the job, but it was hurting me physically and mentally. In the three years that I worked that job, I had two major health crises—the first sending me to the hospital. That was a wakeup call I ignored. The second time, I was put out of work for three weeks. I still remained a year after that. But the third time my health took a turn for the worse and the job refused to let up (instead just continuing to get worse), I left.
Instead of staying home and feeling bad about myself after that, I went to work on my own passions. I pitched a new novel in New York, capturing the interest of agents, major publishers, and even a film producer (I’m still revising the project).
And I traveled. I went to Arizona for three weeks, visited friends, spent time writing at my favorite coffeeshop. I did my workway in upstate New York, spending two weeks connecting with nature, doing some more writing, and making new friends from completely different walks of life. I spent a month on the big island of Hawaii.
I started tutoring remotely and built it into a sustainable business by the end of the calendar year.
In short, this year, I truly started to realize both my worth and my dreams.
What did this year leave me yearning for?
I’ve always been quietly ambitious and in denial about it. This year showed me that I wanted more from life (and that it was okay to want more). It left me yearning for success in writing—actually, not just in the casual way I’ve been going about it. It left me yearning for more genuine connections. I made a few more true friends and made more of an effort to be emotionally present for friends and family.
What’s causing me anxiety?
This one is tough to answer. I carry anxiety in my body, not so much my mind. When it’s bad, it throws off my sleep, my digestion; it hurts my stomach. But when I slow down to think about it, I realize it’s just fear of the future, which I think is the source of most anxiety. It’s worry about what will happen next or if anything will happen at all. It’s concern that my life might not amount to much, that I make too many mistakes and won’t be able to recover from them, that the depression I’m always carefully staving off might catch me and swallow me whole. So I just slow down, live in the present, take small actions everyday to get myself closer to where I want to be, and have faith.
What resources, skills, and practices can I rely on in the next year?
And this one is fun to answer. I learned a lot in 2021 and all because I opened myself up to new experiences. I compiled a few resources for writing and entrepreneurship, most of which would probably be better discussed in another post, but I’ll share a few here. Story Genius: How to use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel by Lisa cron has been invaluable to me, as has Nicole Walters’ Fierce Clarity and 1K1Day courses. I also gained new perspectives on wealth and money from We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rodgers and Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki. These last two audiobooks made for great listening on long drives.
The skills I can rely on this year are direct results of the knowledge I’ve gained from these resources. I can write stronger characters and more riveting plots, I can build a business and manage my funds, and I’m learning how to weave it all together to build a more satisfying life for myself, one that allows me to take care of myself and others in a more sustainable and balanced way.
The practices I would like to continue in 2022 are self-care practices. I’ve been taking walks, lighting candles, feeding my mind, holding space for others, saying no to things that hurt me or make me unhappy. I’d like to keep it going.
What are my wildest, most harebrained ideas and dreams?
I have a few ideas and dreams that I am keeping close to my heart right now, but there are a few I can share. I want to travel to ten different countries next year. I want to land two book deals. I want to write a Disney movie staring a black princess who gets to stay in her body for the entire film, one that sheds as much light and beauty on the cultures of our diaspora as has been shed through movies like Coco and Encanto. I want to rescue children from poverty, or at least one this year. However I can. These are some of my wildest dreams.
This activity has been cathartic and encouraging for me. Now, I invite you to participate. If you choose to answer the 5 questions in a public format, as I’ve done, feel free to drop a link below or to write all or part of your response in the comments section. Happy New Year!